Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
