he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
