aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
