so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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