What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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