which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
