Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There r osticjed everywhere
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
