dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
