Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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