M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
