my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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