A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
