my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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