If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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