shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
