So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
