Sponge bath it is.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
