Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
