This beer is not sobering me up at all
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
