Me. At least after what I've been through.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
