and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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