On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
