if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
