Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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