We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
