But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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