eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
