I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
