after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
