I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
