Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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