It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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