I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
