I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize