Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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