so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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