We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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