All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm too high and old for this...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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