Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
