Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
