My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
