I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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