Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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