The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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