She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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