Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
