the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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