Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
