I love black thongs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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