If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
