So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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