theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
