..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
