I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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