so explain again why im purple
no
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
