so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
