At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
