Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize