It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
