i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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