Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
