do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
