My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
