I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
